منوش يتزوج- الجزء 2

بعد أن شق منوش طريقه في الحياة بجهدٍ و تفان في العمل، قرر أن يأخذ خطوة جديدة وجريئة، ألا وهي الزواج. وشرع يفكر في مواصفات شريكة حياته في أفراحه القليلة وأتراحه الكثيرة.
ولهذا الغرض، أجرى استشارات عديدة مع رفاقه من سائقي الشاحنات، وجاءت حصيلة هذه العملية الديمقراطية على شكل لائحة تحمل ما رآه المجتمعون من صفات تلزم الزوجة المستقبلية لأي منهم، تضمّنت:
1- قوية متينة يمكن الاعتماد عليها حتى لا تخذل رجلها في منتصف الطريق.
2- قليلة التكاليف والمصاريف، نظرًا لحالة التقشف الدائمة.
3- حسنة المظهر.
قام منوش بتسليم هذه اللائحة لخطّابات الحي وأطلع عائلته والمقربين منه على مطالبه، و جلس ينتظر من يأتيه بالخبر اليقين، دون جدوى، فكل من حاول البحث عن عروس بهذه المواصفات أعياه اللف و الدوران، وعبثًا ذهبت الجهود. لذا، قرر منوش أن يرفع الأمر إلى كبير العائلة و حكيمها، نقيب سائقي الشاحنات، فقصده في زيارة خاصة. وخلال اللقاء أوضح منوش للنقيب مشكلته. أوضح النقيب لقاصده أن هذه المواصفات لا يمكن ان تنطبق على أنثى بشرية، وأنه إن أصر على مطلبه عليه أن يسلم أمره إلى الله و يقترن بسيارة فولفو، فوحدها الفولفو تملك هذه المزايا.
وبعد أخذ و رد، ليّن منوش موقفه وقبل بإدخال تعديلات على ورقته الأساسية، حيث تم الإتفاق على الآتي:
1- بدلاً من المتانة يمكن الأخذ بالبدانة مطلباً مقابلاً.
2- يستبدل مطلب إمكانية الاعتماد عليها بإمكانية التحدث إليها.
3- البقاء على مطلب التوفير دون تراجع.
4- فيما يخص المظهر، فلم يبرز اختلاف على هذا الصعيد، وبقي الأمر متروك لذوق منوش و استحسانه.
صدرت الوثيقة عن اللقاء و تحرك على إثر ذلك المندوبين لنشر كلمة السر الجديدة و العمل على الوصول إلى حل يرضي منوش. وبعد حركة اتصالات واسعة جاءت كلمة السر عن طريق المصنع، مستقر الشاحنات و سائقيها.
لقد كان “حديدان” أحد السائقين العتيقين في المهنة، أب لفتاة تنطبق عليها تلك المواصفات تماماً، قد جهد في تربيتها واهتم بها كما يهتم بشاحنته، و كان يرغب بتزويجها من رجل يقدرها، ومن محاسن الصدف أن اسمها مناش. استدعي منوش إلى المصنع، وتم إبلاغه بالخبر السعيد، وطلب إليه حديدان أن يطمئن، فقد وجد ضالته وسيصبح خطيبًا لابنته وعريس السعد (مش الحريري). لم تسع منوش الفرحة، فنشر الخبر على إيقاع زمامير الشاحنات، وتمّ توزيع البرازي إبتهاجاً بالحدث السعيد.
كانت أولى مهام منوش أن يصحب عروسه في جولة تبضع واسعة تبدأ بالمجوهرات ولا تنتهي بالملابس.
كان الزوج متأثر بشدة بعالم الشاحنات، و كذلك كانت العروس. لذلك كان من الطبيعي أن تتواءم خياراتهما، فاشتريا أغرب أعجب ما اشتراه عروسان في العالم. انتقى منوش لزوجة المستقبل قلادة فريدة هي عبارة عن جنزير حديدي (جنزير صدر في معجم الميكانيكيين) تم طلاؤه بالزيت المحروق، علقت فيه لوحة نقش عليها عبارة “راجعة بإذن الله”. أما محبس الخطوبة كان عبارة عن “عزقة” من القياس الكبير بسبب أصابع مناش الواسعة القطر، ورشت العزقة باللون الذهبي الفاقع بواسطة طلاء بخاخ. بالإضافة إلى كمية وافرة من الستائر ذات الألوان الزاهية. كان ختام الجولة في مرفأ صيدا، و لا عجب في ذلك حيث أن ليلة الزفاف لا تكتمل بدون لوازم الإغراء من ملابس مثيرة، ونظراً لقياسات جسد مناش الاستثنائية فقد تزودت بشبكة صيد حمراء كلباس “دخلتها ” المثير، ولا شك أن هذه الشبكة ستفصح عن الكثير مما لا يود عاقل رؤيته.
وأثناء تجوالهما، اتفقا على أن يكون بيتهما ملاصقًا لمغسل السيارات، ذلك أن المغسل ضروري في حال رغبت مناش بأخذ حمام (دوش أو شاور )، كما يمكن الإستفادة من حفرة غيار الزيت كمرحاض. كذلك جرى التطرق إلى موضوع تسمية الأطفال، حيث رغب منوش بتوجيه تحية إلى أصدقائه “الشوفيرية” عبر تسمية الصبي “شبح”، والبنت “عصفورة”، لكن مناش كانت أرادت تسميتها “عجيبة” على اسم أمها المتوفاة.

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